Blog

Nothing Others Do is Because of You

If I could give everyone in the world one piece of advice it would be to never, ever take anything personally. No matter what anyone says or does I can guarantee it is never about you. You will always come across people who say or do things that are negative, impolite, disappointing, insulting or offensive. But just because they are projecting this negative energy onto you it does not mean you need to absorb it. You can simply say to yourself ‘No, thank you’, stay in your higher, positive place and instead try to understand what is going on with them so that you do not make it about you…

Insults, rude comments

People only hurt others when they are in pain so if someone is criticising you it is usually to mask their own insecurities. Sometimes someone may be genuinely giving you constructive feedback so whenever you receive any comments consider if they could be true (accused of being late and you know you have a problem with time keeping) and if there is an opportunity to grow. If there is no validity in them (accused of being late and you are always/mostly on time) try to understand where they are really coming from (probably projecting their tardiness onto you). 

Feeling Let Down

You ask a friend to go out and they are busy… you hire a workman and he does a bad job…someone is driving 10cm behind you in the fast lane… everyday occurrences that can leave us feeling hurt or raging. Why? Because we have taken it personally. This one is easy to fix – stop having expectations and you will stop getting disappointed. 

Friction in a Relationship

Whether this be with your child, parent, spouse… when things get a little frayed we immediately take their negative attitude personally. Maybe it has nothing to do with you, maybe they just had a bad day, maybe you are getting on their nerves, whatever is going on, it is their problem so leave them to get on with it. Don’t respond with further negativity and make the situation worse. Either walk away or offer to help, that is all you can do.

Others´ Flaws and Failings

We all project our own programming onto the world – our likes/dislikes, our strengths/weaknesses, our values/flaws – how we are is what we expect to see in others. For example, kind people expect kindness in others, liars expect others to be dishonest. So when our projections are not met, guess what? We take it personally. If someone doesn’t help you, maybe they are just lazy. If someone doesn’t have your back, maybe they are simply a coward. Do not take offence at their faults or mistakes.

So from now on, make a concerted effort to stop internalising other peoples flaws whether it be a stranger, a colleague or someone you love dearly. Realise you are dealing with their flaws, see them and the situation for what it truly is, change your expectations and don’t take it personally.