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Those were the wise words from Mahatma Gandhi and he was not the only great leader trying to embed this value. Jesus Christ told us ‘He be without sin cast the first stone’ and Marcus Arelius cautioned ‘Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.’ No one likes to be judged and no one likes to be considered judgemental, so why do we do it and how do we stop?

Primarily, we need to stop assuming we know the full story. When we hear or see parts of someone’s story we have to remember we are only seeing the parts of the story they have allowed us to see. Comparable to completing a jigsaw puzzle with no picture to follow, we have the pieces that have been given to us but instead of keeping an open mind as to what could complete the puzzle, we use our own experiences, expectations, core beliefs and scepticism to fill in the blanks. We cannot assume to understand another person’s situation. Even if we have been through a similar experience, we only know what that experience meant for us. We don’t have the knowledge, understanding or even the right to assume we know what someone else was experiencing and what led to the choices they made. 

If you are the one feeling judged then stop buying into the condemnations of others and their attempts to invalidate your self worth. Renown your power and stop giving it away. Accept that you cannot change others opinions of you and own who you are and the decisions you have made. 

If you find yourself judging others, ask what does this say about you? Are you, in reality, projecting your own insecurities and perceived failures on the world outside instead of looking deeply at what is really happening on the inside? Instead of investing your time and energy imparting negativity on someone try showing empathy, understanding and compassion instead. I guarantee you will feel much better for it. 

‘When you judge others you do not define them, you define yourself.’

Dr. Wayne Dyer