Want to have less frustration and perform better, then rethink expectations. I will explain why and how… Disappointment, one of the hardest emotions to deal with, for all ages. But there is a way to avoid this uncomfortable, often upsetting feeling. Disappointment is the negative emotion experienced when an outcome does not match up to an expectation. So, why not let go of expectations in order to avoid disappointment? I guarantee that if you can learn to let go of expectations then you will be far less disappointed. Why do we have expectations? The quick answer – projection. We all see the world through our own lense. Our values, likes, dislikes, strengths, weakness, insecurities, fears etc we project onto the world. In short, we subconsciously expect everyone else to be like us. And when people don’t meet up to our expectations we can’t quite believe it. So step one, stop expecting everyone else to be like you. Hope for the best, plan for the worst Instead of having expectations, remain cautiously optimistic but have a plan in case anything takes a turn for the worst. Replace expectations with intentions An outcome is out of our control and we should never put our energy into what we cannot control. Your intention, on the other hand, is in your control so place your energy there. For example, if you are going to sit an exam or go for an interview, instead of expecting an A* or getting the job, put your energy into performing the best you can. With no expectations, won’t I get mistreated by others? Having no expectations doesn’t mean you have to put up with any negative behaviour. Be clear to communicate how you would like to be treated and set boundaries. At the same time don’t expect people to be mind readers and know how to treat you – people treat us how we teach them to treat us. Also, don’t expect them to follow a script you have made up in your head then be disappointed when they respond totally differently. Avoid setting yourself up to fail Never ask a question if you can not handle all possible answers. If you are fishing for compliments or reassurance then asking questions expecting a positive answer may result in insult and injury. If you can’t handle a ‘no’ or a negative response then don’t ask. Take away the emotion We place far too much emotion in everything whether it be your team losing or a difficult work colleague. Ask yourself, does this really affect my life? Am I going to care 6 months from now? Accept the situation for what it is and move on. Expecting too much from people This one is a slippery slope that I see a lot. Often, we expect far too much from people, especially those we love most. The more they give, the more we want so instead of expecting the sun and the moon be grateful for the stars they shower you with everyday. If what they do really is not enough then look inside and understand what it is you are really missing. |